Calling all girls – PICK UP YOUR PHONE

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Image Source: http://www.scorpsay.com/2009/04/stupid-bank-even-more-stupid-courier.html

If you’re in a relationship, you’ll probably agree that phones and women just don’t go together. Sure they have their iPhones, Blackberrys, Nokia E7, etc. They’re even connected to Facebook and Twitter on the go, but when it comes to picking up the phone when you need to talk to them, they are incognito, untraceable and frankly off the radar. Most of the times, they won’t call you back or even text you to let you know they’re ok, but when they have to complain to you, they will

Having been married for over five years now, I’ve probably heard all the reasons for not being able to pick up the phone. Some of them are listed below for your amusement and feedback. Of course there are many more reasons out there and I would appreciate input from the rest of my BOYS to add value to this conversation that has plagued mankind for years.

Disclaimer: I’d like to point out that my wife has seen mass improvement in her phone attendance over the years and hence nobody can say this is a direct attack from me on her. Now… enjoy.

1. I was in the other room

Ok perhaps the most sensible of all reasons, but honey we do not live in a castle. It’s a one bed apartment slightly bigger than a bird cage. Does it really take you that long to get to your phone?

2. The battery was dying

Yes sweetie the battery tends to die, that is why the phone gives out an irritating sound near the end of its life – it’s literally crying out like a shrieking little baby to be fed.

Remember the Nokia phone we recommended you get that has 7days of battery life but you wanted to go for the Oh-so-amazing-iPhone-that-requires-charging-after-every-12hrs, you see why we made that offer now?

3. I was busy watching Hum Safar

I don’t even want to dignify that with an answer! But just to let you know, that time you were busy watching Hum Safar and I called you, I was about to buy you a big-fat diamond solitaire ring… but that urge to spend on you has suddenly past.

Still enjoying Hum Safar now? 

4. I didn’t feel like picking up the phone

I don’t feel like going to the office every day but I do. And I do this so you can stay at home, watch your Hum Safar drama, while I pay the bills and at the end of the day all I expect is for you to do is pick up that little gadget you begged me to get you referred to as a cellular/cell phone/ mobile/ my-constant-state-of-misery-in-trying-to-get-in-touch-with-you

5. I didn’t hear it ring

Seriously?! So let me get this straight, you can hear our neighbor whisper something about your cooking or dressing from the other side of the house but you couldn’t hear the phone ring from your bag? Even with the vibration setting on ‘Holy-Crap-It’s-An-Earthquake’?!

6. I didn’t have enough credit to call you back

Of course you wouldn’t, why would you have enough money for that, after all the money was rightly spent on the clothes you need for every occasion because the previous ones disintegrate after you wear them once like the message in every mission impossible movie. Then of course there is the home decoration we didn't need, the cosmetics that will not be used and last but not the least all the shoes that stack up higher than Jack’s beanstalk. Now with all that necessary spending, how can I expect you to pay your phone bill? My bad.

7. I was on another line

Knowing that a bitching session between female friends normally lasts for three hours, I think I’ll call back when the emergency I was having is over.

There are so many reasons, I wish I could post them all here, but you know what surprises me the most – no matter how much you hate your cell phones, when it comes to letting out all that anger you have against us, you’re able to use the SMS (short messaging service) as a LMS (lecture messaging service) - you’re able to text the crap out of the phone.

I’ve literally received a snubbing from my wife that was 8-SMS’ long!

Needless to say, I can expect a text this long again.

Disclaimer – yet again: I’d like to point out that my wife has seen mass improvement in her phone attendance over the years and hence nobody can say this is a direct attack from me on her.